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CHAPTER
12
"Mrs. Allen," said Catherine the next morning, "will there be
any harm in my calling on Miss Tilney today? I shall
not be easy till I have explained everything."
"Go, by all means, my dear; only put on a white gown; Miss Tilney always wears white."
Catherine cheerfully complied, and being properly equipped, was more
impatient than ever to be at the pump-room, that she might inform herself of
General Tilneys lodgings, for though she believed
they were in Milsom Street, she was not certain of
the house, and Mrs. Allen's wavering convictions only made it more doubtful. To
Milsom Street she was directed, and having made
herself perfect in the number, hastened away with eager steps and a beating
heart to pay her visit, explain her conduct, and be forgiven; tripping lightly
through the church-yard, and resolutely turning away her eyes, that she might
not be obliged to see her beloved Isabella and her dear family, who, she had
reason to believe, were in a shop hard by. She reached the house without any
impediment, looked at the number, knocked at the door, and inquired for Miss Tilney. The man believed Miss Tilney
to be at home, but was not quite certain. Would she be pleased to send up her
name? She gave her card. In a few minutes the servant returned, and with a look
which did not quite confirm his words, said he had been mistaken, for that Miss
Tilney was walked out. Catherine, with a blush of
mortification, left the house. She felt almost persuaded that Miss Tilney was at home, and too much offended to admit her; and
as she retired down the street, could not withhold one glance at the
drawing-room windows, in expectation of seeing her there, but no one appeared
at them. At the bottom of the street, however, she looked back again, and then,
not at a window, but issuing from the door, she saw Miss Tilney
herself. She was followed by a gentleman, whom Catherine believed to be her
father, and they turned up towards Edgar's Buildings. Catherine, in deep
mortification, proceeded on her way. She could almost be angry herself at such
angry incivility; but she checked the resentful sensation; she remembered her
own ignorance. She knew not how such an offence as hers might be classed by the
laws of worldly politeness, to what a degree of unforgivingness
it might with propriety lead, nor to what rigours of
rudeness in return it might justly make her amenable.
Dejected and humbled, she had even some thoughts of not going with the
others to the theatre that night; but it must be confessed that they were not
of long continuance, for she soon recollected, in the first place, that she was
without any excuse for staying at home; and, in the second, that it was a play
she wanted very much to see. To the theatre accordingly they all went; no Tilneys appeared to plague or please her; she feared that,
amongst the many perfections of the family, a fondness for plays was not to be
ranked; but perhaps it was because they were habituated to the finer
performances of the London stage, which she knew, on Isabella's authority,
rendered everything else of the kind "quite horrid." She was not
deceived in her own expectation of pleasure; the comedy so well suspended her
care that no one, observing her during the first four acts, would have supposed
she had any wretchedness about her. On the beginning of the fifth, however, the
sudden view of Mr. Henry Tilney and his father,
joining a party in the opposite box, recalled her to anxiety and distress. The
stage could no longer excite genuine merriment--no longer keep her whole
attention. Every other look upon an average was directed towards the opposite
box; and, for the space of two entire scenes, did she thus watch Henry Tilney, without being once able to catch his eye. No longer
could he be suspected of indifference for a play; his notice was never
withdrawn from the stage during two whole scenes. At length, however, he did
look towards her, and he bowed--but such a bow! No smile, no continued
observance attended it; his eyes were immediately returned to their former
direction. Catherine was restlessly miserable; she could almost have run round
to the box in which he sat and forced him to hear her explanation. Feelings
rather natural than heroic possessed her; instead of considering her own
dignity injured by this ready condemnation--instead of proudly resolving, in
conscious innocence, to show her resentment towards him who could harbour a doubt of it, to leave to him all the trouble of
seeking an explanation, and to enlighten him on the past only by avoiding his
sight, or flirting with somebody else--she took to herself all the shame of
misconduct, or at least of its appearance, and was only eager for an
opportunity of explaining its cause.
The play concluded--the curtain fell--Henry Tilney
was no longer to be seen where he had hitherto sat, but his father remained,
and perhaps he might be now coming round to their box. She was right; in a few
minutes he appeared, and, making his way through the then thinning rows, spoke
with like calm politeness to Mrs. Allen and her friend. Not with such calmness
was he answered by the latter: "Oh! Mr. Tilney,
I have been quite wild to speak to you, and make my apologies. You must have
thought me so rude; but indeed it was not my own fault, was it, Mrs. Allen? Did
not they tell me that Mr. Tilney and his sister were
gone out in a phaeton together? And then what could I do? But I had ten
thousand times rather have been with you; now had not I, Mrs. Allen?"
"My dear, you tumble my gown," was Mrs. Allen's reply.
Her assurance, however, standing sole as it did, was not thrown away; it
brought a more cordial, more natural smile into his countenance, and he replied
in a tone which retained only a little affected reserve: "We were much
obliged to you at any rate for wishing us a pleasant walk after our passing you
in Argyle Street: you were so kind as to look back on purpose."
"But indeed I did not wish you a pleasant walk; I never thought of such
a thing; but I begged Mr. Thorpe so earnestly to stop; I called out to him as
soon as ever I saw you; now, Mrs. Allen, did not-- Oh! You were not there; but
indeed I did; and, if Mr. Thorpe would only have stopped, I would have jumped
out and run after you."
Is there a Henry in the world who could be insensible to such a declaration?
Henry Tilney at least was not. With a yet sweeter
smile, he said everything that need be said of his sister's concern, regret,
and dependence on Catherine's honour. "Oh! Do
not say Miss Tilney was not angry," cried
Catherine, "because I know she was; for she would not see me this morning
when I called; I saw her walk out of the house the next minute after my leaving
it; I was hurt, but I was not affronted. Perhaps you did not know I had been
there."
"I was not within at the time; but I heard of it from Eleanor, and she
has been wishing ever since to see you, to explain the reason of such
incivility; but perhaps I can do it as well. It was nothing more than that my
father--they were just preparing to walk out, and he being hurried for time,
and not caring to have it put off--made a point of her being denied. That was
all, I do assure you. She was very much vexed, and meant to make her apology as
soon as possible."
Catherine's mind was greatly eased by this information, yet a something of
solicitude remained, from which sprang the following question, thoroughly
artless in itself, though rather distressing to the gentleman: "But, Mr. Tilney, why were you less generous than your sister? If she
felt such confidence in my good intentions, and could suppose it to be only a
mistake, why should you be so ready to take offence?"
"Me! I take offence!"
"Nay, I am sure by your look, when you came into the box, you were
angry."
"I angry! I could have no right."
"Well, nobody would have thought you had no right who saw your
face." He replied by asking her to make room for him, and talking of the
play.
He remained with them some time, and was only too agreeable for Catherine to
be contented when he went away. Before they parted, however, it was agreed that
the projected walk should be taken as soon as possible; and, setting aside the
misery of his quitting their box, she was, upon the whole, left one of the
happiest creatures in the world.
While talking to each other, she had observed with some surprise that John
Thorpe, who was never in the same part of the house for ten minutes together,
was engaged in conversation with General Tilney; and
she felt something more than surprise when she thought she could perceive
herself the object of their attention and discourse. What could they have to
say of her? She feared General Tilney did not like
her appearance: she found it was implied in his preventing her admittance to his
daughter, rather than postpone his own walk a few minutes. "How came Mr.
Thorpe to know your father?" was her anxious inquiry, as she pointed them
out to her companion. He knew nothing about it; but his father, like every
military man, had a very large acquaintance.
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