|
George
Amberson will bring you this, dear Isabel. He is waiting while I write. He and
I have talked things over, and before he gives this to you he will tell you
what has happened. Of course I'm rather confused, and haven't had time to think
matters out very definitely, and yet I believe I should have been better
prepared for what took place to-day--I ought to have known it was coming,
because I have understood for quite a long time that young George was getting
to dislike me more and more. Somehow, I've never been able to get his
friendship; he's always had a latent distrust of me--or something like
distrust--and perhaps that's made me sometimes a little awkward and diffident
with him. I think it may be he felt from the first that I cared a great deal
about you, and he naturally resented it. I think perhaps he felt this even
during all the time when I was so careful--at least I thought I was--not to
show, even to you, how immensely I did care. And he may have feared that you
were thinking too much about me--even when you weren't and only liked me as an
old friend. It's perfectly comprehensible to me, also, that at his age one gets
excited about gossip. Dear Isabel, what I'm trying to get at, in my confused
way, is that you and I don't care about this nonsensical gossip, ourselves, at
all. Yesterday I thought the time had come when I could ask you to marry me,
and you were dear enough to tell me "sometime it might come to that."
Well, you and I, left to ourselves, and knowing what we have been and what we
are, we'd pay as much attention to "talk" as we would to any other
kind of old cats' mewing! We'd not be very apt to let such things keep us from
the plenty of life we have left to us for making up to ourselves for old
unhappinesses and mistakes. But now we're faced with--not the slander and not
our own fear of it, because we haven't any, but someone else's fear of it--your
son's. And, oh, dearest woman in the world, I know what your son is to you, and
it frightens me! Let me explain a little: I don't think he'll change--at
twenty-one or twenty-two so many things appear solid and permanent and terrible
which forty sees are nothing but disappearing miasma. Forty can't tell twenty
about this; that's the pity of it! Twenty can find out only by getting to be
forty. And so we come to this, dear: Will you live your own life your way, or
George's way? I'm going a little further, because it would be fatal not to be
wholly frank now. George will act toward you only as your long worship of him,
your sacrifices--all the unseen little ones every day since he was born--will
make him act. Dear, it breaks my heart for you, but what you have to oppose now
is the history of your own selfless and perfect motherhood. I remember saying
once that what you worshipped in your son was the angel you saw in him--and I
still believe that is true of every mother. But in a mother's worship she may
not see that the Will in her son should not always be offered incense along
with the angel. I grow sick with fear for you--for both you and me--when I
think how the Will against us two has grown strong through the love you have
given the angel--and how long your own sweet Will has served that other. Are
you strong enough, Isabel? Can you make the fight? I promise you that if you
will take heart for it, you will find so quickly that it has all amounted to
nothing. You shall have happiness, and, in a little while, only happiness. You
need only to write me a line--I can't come to your house--and tell me where you
will meet me. We will come back in a month, and the angel in your son will
bring him to you; I promise it. What is good in him will grow so fine, once you
have beaten the turbulent Will--but it must be beaten!
Your
brother, that good friend, is waiting with such patience; I should not keep him
longer--and I am saying too much for wisdom, I fear. But, oh, my dear, won't
you be strong--such a little short strength it would need! Don't strike my life
down twice, dear--this time I've not deserved it.
EUGENE.
Concluding
this missive, George tossed it abruptly from him so that one sheet fell upon
his bed and the others upon the floor; and at the faint noise of their falling
Isabel came, and, kneeling, began to gather them up.
"Did
you read it, dear?"
George's
face was pale no longer, but pink with fury. "Yes, I did."
"All
of it?" she asked gently, as she rose.
"Certainly!"
She
did not look at him, but kept her eyes downcast upon the letter in her hands,
tremulously rearranging the sheets in order as she spoke--and though she
smiled, her smile was as tremulous as her hands. Nervousness and an
irresistible timidity possessed her. "I--I wanted to say, George,"
she faltered. "I felt that if--if some day it should happen--I mean, if
you came to feel differently about it, and Eugene and I--that is if we found
that it seemed the most sensible thing to do--I was afraid you might think it
would be a little queer about--Lucy. I mean if--if she were your step-sister.
Of course, she'd not be even legally related to you, and if you--if you cared
for her--"
Thus
far she got stumblingly with what she wanted to say, while George watched her
with a gaze that grew harder and hotter; but here he cut her off. "I have
already given up all idea of Lucy," he said. "Naturally, I couldn't
have treated her father as I deliberately did treat him--I could hardly have
done that and expected his daughter ever to speak to me again."
Isabel
gave a quick cry of compassion, but he allowed her no opportunity to speak.
"You needn't think I'm making any particular sacrifice," he said
sharply, "though I would, quickly enough, if I thought it necessary in a
matter of honour like this. I was interested in her, and I could even say I did
care for her; but she proved pretty satisfactorily that she cared little enough
about me! She went away right in the midst of a--of a difference of opinion we
were having; she didn't even let me know she was going, and never wrote a line
to me, and then came back telling everybody she'd had 'a perfectly gorgeous
time!' That's quite enough for me. I'm not precisely the sort to arrange for
that kind of thing to be done to me more than once! The truth is, we're not
congenial and we'd found that much out, at least, before she left. We should
never have been happy; she was 'superior' all the time, and critical of me--not
very pleasant, that! I was disappointed in her, and I might as well say it. I
don't think she has the very deepest nature in the world, and--"
But
Isabel put her hand timidly on his arm. "Georgie, dear, this is only a
quarrel: all young people have them before they get adjusted, and you mustn't
let--"
"If
you please!" he said emphatically, moving back from her. "This isn't
that kind. It's all over, and I don't care to speak of it again. It's settled.
Don't you understand?"
"But,
dear--"
"No.
I want to talk to you about this letter of her father's."
"Yes,
dear, that's why--"
"It's
simply the most offensive piece of writing that I've ever held in my
hands!"
She
stepped back from him, startled. "But, dear, I thought--"
"I
can't understand your even showing me such a thing!" he cried. "How
did you happen to bring it to me?"
"Your
uncle thought I'd better. He thought it was the simplest thing to do, and he
said that he'd suggested it to Eugene, and Eugene had agreed. They
thought--"
"Yes!"
George said bitterly. "I should like to hear what they thought!"
"They
thought it would be the most straightforward thing."
George
drew a long breath. "Well, what do you think, mother?"
"I
thought it would be the simplest and most straightforward thing; I thought they
where right."
"Very
well! We'll agree it was simple and straightforward. Now, what do you think of
that letter itself?"
She
hesitated, looking away. "I--of course I don't agree with him in the way
he speaks of you, dear--except about the angel! I don't agree with some of the
things he implies. You've always been unselfish--nobody knows that better than
your mother. When Fanny was left with nothing, you were so quick and generous
to give up what really should have come to you, and--"
"And
yet," George broke in, "you see what he implies about me. Don't you
think, really, that this was a pretty insulting letter for that man to be
asking you to hand your son?"
"Oh,
no!" she cried. "You can see how fair he means to be, and he didn't
ask for me to give it to you. It was brother George who--"
"Never
mind that, now! You say he tries to be fair, and yet do you suppose it ever
occurs to him that I'm doing my simple duty? That I'm doing what my father
would do if he were alive? That I'm doing what my father would ask me to do if
he could speak from his grave out yonder? Do you suppose it ever occurs to that
man for one minute that I'm protecting my mother?" George raised his
voice, advancing upon the helpless lady fiercely; and she could only bend her
head before him. "He talks about my 'Will'--how it must be beaten down;
yes, and he asks my mother to do that little thing to please him! What for? Why
does he want me 'beaten' by my mother? Because I'm trying to protect her name!
He's got my mother's name bandied up and down the streets of this town till I
can't step in those streets without wondering what every soul I meet is
thinking of me and of my family, and now he wants you to marry him so that
every gossip in town will say 'There! What did I tell you? I guess that proves
it's true!' You can't get away from it; that's exactly what they'd say, and
this man pretends he cares for you, and yet asks you to marry him and give them
the right to say it. He says he and you don't care what they say, but I know
better! He may not care--probably he's that kind--but you do. There never was
an Amberson yet that would let the Amberson name go trailing in the dust like
that! It's the proudest name in this town and it's going to stay the proudest;
and I tell you that's the deepest thing in my nature--not that I'd expect
Eugene Morgan to understand--the very deepest thing in my nature is to protect
that name, and to fight for it to the last breath when danger threatens it, as
it does now--through my mother!" He turned from her, striding up and down
and tossing his arms about, in a tumult of gesture. "I can't believe it of
you, that you'd think of such a sacrilege! That's what it would be--sacrilege!
When he talks about your unselfishness toward me, he's right--you have been
unselfish and you have been a perfect mother. But what about him? Is it
unselfish of him to want you to throw away your good name just to please him?
That's all he asks of you--and to quit being my mother! Do you think I can
believe you really care for him? I don't! You are my mother and you're am
Amberson--and I believe you're too proud! You're too proud to care for a man
who could write such a letter as that!" He stopped, faced her, and spoke
with more self-control: "Well, what are you going to do about it,
mother?"
|