But
there were hours when her child heart might almost have broken with loneliness
but for three people.
The
first, it must be owned, was Becky--just Becky. Throughout all that first night
spent in the garret, she had felt a vague comfort in knowing that on the other
side of the wall in which the rats scuffled and squeaked there was another
young human creature. And during the nights that followed the sense of comfort
grew. They had little chance to speak to each other during the day. Each had
her own tasks to perform, and any attempt at conversation would have been
regarded as a tendency to loiter and lose time. "Don't mind me,
miss," Becky whispered during the first morning, "if
I don't say nothin' polite. Some un'd
be down on us if I did. I means 'please' an' 'thank you' an' 'beg pardon,' but
I dassn't to take time to say it."
But
before daybreak she used to slip into Sara's attic and button her dress and
give her such help as she required before she went downstairs to light the
kitchen fire. And when night came Sara always heard the humble knock at her
door which meant that her handmaid was ready to help her again if she was
needed. During the first weeks of her grief Sara felt as if she were too
stupefied to talk, so it happened that some time passed before they saw each
other much or exchanged visits. Becky's heart told her that it was best that
people in trouble should be left alone.
The
second of the trio of comforters was Ermengarde, but
odd things happened before Ermengarde found her
place.
When
Sara's mind seemed to awaken again to the life about her, she realized that she
had forgotten that an Ermengarde lived in the world.
The two had always been friends, but Sara had felt as if she were years the
older. It could not be contested that Ermengarde was
as dull as she was affectionate. She clung to Sara in a simple, helpless way;
she brought her lessons to her that she might be helped; she listened to her
every word and besieged her with requests for stories. But she had nothing
interesting to say herself, and she loathed books of every description. She
was, in fact, not a person one would remember when one was caught in the storm
of a great trouble, and Sara forgot her.
It
had been all the easier to forget her because she had been suddenly called home
for a few weeks. When she came back she did not see Sara for a day or two, and
when she met her for the first time she encountered her coming down a corridor
with her arms full of garments which were to be taken downstairs to be mended.
Sara herself had already been taught to mend them. She looked pale and unlike
herself, and she was attired in the queer, outgrown frock whose shortness
showed so much thin black leg.
Ermengarde was too slow a girl to be equal to such a
situation. She could not think of anything to say. She knew what had happened,
but, somehow, she had never imagined Sara could look like this--so odd and poor
and almost like a servant. It made her quite miserable, and she could do
nothing but break into a short hysterical laugh and exclaim--aimlessly and as
if without any meaning, "Oh, Sara, is that you?"
" Yes," answered Sara, and suddenly a strange
thought passed through her mind and made her face flush. She held the pile of
garments in her arms, and her chin rested upon the top of it to keep it steady.
Something in the look of her straight-gazing eyes made Ermengarde
lose her wits still more. She felt as if Sara had changed into a new kind of
girl, and she had never known her before. Perhaps it was because she had
suddenly grown poor and had to mend things and work like Becky.
"Oh,"
she stammered. "How--how are you?"
"I
don't know," Sara replied. "How are you?"
"I'm--I'm
quite well," said Ermengarde, overwhelmed with
shyness. Then spasmodically she thought of something to say which seemed more
intimate. "Are you--are you very unhappy?" she said in a rush.
Then
Sara was guilty of an injustice. Just at that moment her torn heart swelled
within her, and she felt that if anyone was as stupid as that, one had better
get away from her.
"What
do you think?" she said. "Do you think I am very happy?" And she
marched past her without another word.
In
course of time she realized that if her wretchedness had not made her forget
things, she would have known that poor, dull Ermengarde
was not to be blamed for her unready, awkward ways. She was always awkward, and
the more she felt, the more stupid she was given to being.
But
the sudden thought which had flashed upon her had made her over-sensitive.
"She
is like the others," she had thought. "She does not really want to
talk to me. She knows no one does."
So
for several weeks a barrier stood between them. When they met by chance Sara
looked the other way, and Ermengarde felt too stiff
and embarrassed to speak. Sometimes they nodded to each other in passing, but
there were times when they did not even exchange a greeting.
"If
she would rather not talk to me," Sara thought, "I will keep out of
her way. Miss Minchin makes that easy enough."
Miss
Minchin made it so easy that at last they scarcely saw each other at all. At
that time it was noticed that Ermengarde was more
stupid than ever, and that she looked listless and unhappy. She used to sit in
the window-seat, huddled in a heap, and stare out of the window without
speaking. Once Jessie, who was passing, stopped to look at
her curiously.
"What
are you crying for, Ermengarde?" she asked.
"I'm
not crying," answered Ermengarde, in a muffled,
unsteady voice.
"You
are," said Jessie. "A great big tear just rolled down the bridge of
your nose and dropped off at the end of it. And there goes another."
"Well,"
said Ermengarde, "I'm miserable--and no one need
interfere." And she turned her plump back and took out her handkerchief
and boldly hid her face in it.
That
night, when Sara went to her attic, she was later than usual. She had been kept
at work until after the hour at which the pupils went to bed, and after that
she had gone to her lessons in the lonely schoolroom. When she reached the top
of the stairs, she was surprised to see a glimmer of light coming from under
the attic door.
"Nobody
goes there but myself," she thought quickly,
"but someone has lighted a candle."
Someone
had, indeed, lighted a candle, and it was not burning in the kitchen
candlestick she was expected to use, but in one of those belonging to the
pupils' bedrooms. The someone was sitting upon the
battered footstool, and was dressed in her nightgown and wrapped up in a red
shawl. It was Ermengarde.
"Ermengarde!" cried Sara. She was so startled that she
was almost frightened. "You will get into trouble."
Ermengarde stumbled up from her footstool. She shuffled
across the attic in her bedroom slippers, which were too large for her. Her
eyes and nose were pink with crying.
"I
know I shall--if I'm found out." she said. "But I don't care--I don't
care a bit. Oh, Sara, please tell me. What is the matter? Why don't you like me
any more?"
Something
in her voice made the familiar lump rise in Sara's throat. It was so
affectionate and simple--so like the old Ermengarde
who had asked her to be "best friends." It sounded as if she had not
meant what she had seemed to mean during these past weeks.
"I
do like you," Sara answered. "I thought--you see, everything is
different now. I thought you--were different.
Ermengarde opened her wet eyes wide.
"Why,
it was you who were different!" she cried. "You didn't want to talk
to me. I didn't know what to do. It was you who were different after I came
back."
Sara
thought a moment. She saw she had made a mistake.
"I
am different," she explained, "though not in the way you think. Miss
Minchin does not want me to talk to the girls. Most of them don't want to talk
to me. I thought--perhaps--you didn't. So I tried to keep out of your
way."
"Oh,
Sara," Ermengarde almost wailed in her
reproachful dismay. And then after one more look they rushed into each other's
arms. It must be confessed that Sara's small black head lay for some minutes on
the shoulder covered by the red shawl. When Ermengarde
had seemed to desert her, she had felt horribly lonely.
Afterward
they sat down upon the floor together, Sara clasping her knees with her arms,
and Ermengarde rolled up in her shawl. Ermengarde looked at the odd, big-eyed little face
adoringly.
"I
couldn't bear it any more," she said. "I dare say you could live
without me, Sara; but I couldn't live without you. I was nearly dead. So
tonight, when I was crying under the bedclothes, I thought all at once of
creeping up here and just begging you to let us be friends again."
"You
are nicer than I am," said Sara. "I was too proud to try and make
friends. You see, now that trials have come, they have shown that I am not a
nice child. I was afraid they would. Perhaps"--wrinkling her forehead
wisely--"that is what they were sent for."
"I
don't see any good in them," said Ermengarde
stoutly.
"Neither
do I--to speak the truth," admitted Sara, frankly. "But I suppose
there might be good in things, even if we don't see it. There
might"--doubtfully--"be good in Miss Minchin."
Ermengarde looked round the attic with a rather fearsome
curiosity.
"Sara,"
she said, "do you think you can bear living here?"
Sara
looked round also.
"If
I pretend it's quite different, I can," she answered; "or if I
pretend it is a place in a story."
She
spoke slowly. Her imagination was beginning to work for her. It had not worked
for her at all since her troubles had come upon her. She had felt as if it had been
stunned.
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