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Well, there it was: fated like the rest of things! It was rather awful, but
why kick? You couldn't kick it away. It just went on. Life, like all the rest!
On the low dark ceiling of cloud at night red blotches burned and quavered,
dappling and swelling and contracting, like burns that give pain. It was the
furnaces. At first they fascinated Connie with a sort of horror; she felt she
was living underground. Then she got used to them. And in the morning it
rained.
Clifford professed to like Wragby better than London. This country had a
grim will of its own, and the people had guts. Connie wondered what else they
had: certainly neither eyes nor minds. The people were as haggard, shapeless,
and dreary as the countryside, and as unfriendly. Only there was something in
their deep-mouthed slurring of the dialect, and the thresh-thresh of their
hob-nailed pit-boots as they trailed home in gangs on the asphalt from work,
that was terrible and a bit mysterious.
There had been no welcome home for the young squire, no festivities, no
deputation, not even a single flower. Only a dank ride in a motor-car up a
dark, damp drive, burrowing through gloomy trees, out to the slope of the park
where grey damp sheep were feeding, to the knoll where the house spread its
dark brown facade, and the housekeeper and her husband were hovering, like
unsure tenants on the face of the earth, ready to stammer a welcome.
There was no communication between Wragby Hall and Tevershall village, none.
No caps were touched, no curtseys bobbed. The colliers merely stared; the
tradesmen lifted their caps to Connie as to an acquaintance, and nodded
awkwardly to Clifford; that was all. Gulf impassable, and a quiet sort of
resentment on either side. At first Connie suffered from the steady drizzle of
resentment that came from the village. Then she hardened herself to it, and it
became a sort of tonic, something to live up to. It was not that she and
Clifford were unpopular, they merely belonged to another species altogether
from the colliers. Gulf impassable, breach indescribable, such as is perhaps
nonexistent south of the Trent. But in the Midlands and the industrial North
gulf impassable, across which no communication could take place. You stick to
your side, I'll stick to mine! A strange denial of the common pulse of humanity.
Yet the village sympathized with Clifford and Connie in the abstract. In the
flesh it was--You leave me alone!--on either side.
The rector was a nice man of about sixty, full of his duty, and reduced,
personally, almost to a nonentity by the silent--You leave me alone!--of the
village. The miners' wives were nearly all Methodists. The miners were nothing.
But even so much official uniform as the clergyman wore was enough to obscure
entirely the fact that he was a man like any other man. No, he was Mester
Ashby, a sort of automatic preaching and praying concern.
This stubborn, instinctive--We think ourselves as good as you, if you are
Lady Chatterley!--puzzled and baffled Connie at first extremely. The curious,
suspicious, false amiability with which the miners' wives met her overtures;
the curiously offensive tinge of--Oh dear me! I am somebody now, with
Lady Chatterley talking to me! But she needn't think I'm not as good as her for
all that!--which she always heard twanging in the women's half-fawning voices,
was impossible. There was no getting past it. It was hopelessly and offensively
nonconformist.
Clifford left them alone, and she learnt to do the same: she just went by
without looking at them, and they stared as if she were a walking wax figure. When
he had to deal with them, Clifford was rather haughty and contemptuous; one
could no longer afford to be friendly. In fact he was altogether rather
supercilious and contemptuous of anyone not in his own class. He stood his
ground, without any attempt at conciliation. And he was neither liked nor
disliked by the people: he was just part of things, like the pit-bank and
Wragby itself.
But Clifford was really extremely shy and self-conscious now he was lamed.
He hated seeing anyone except just the personal servants. For he had to sit in
a wheeled chair or a sort of bath-chair. Nevertheless he was just as carefully
dressed as ever, by his expensive tailors, and he wore the careful Bond Street
neckties just as before, and from the top he looked just as smart and
impressive as ever. He had never been one of the modern ladylike young men:
rather bucolic even, with his ruddy face and broad shoulders. But his very
quiet, hesitating voice, and his eyes, at the same time bold and frightened,
assured and uncertain, revealed his nature. His manner was often offensively
supercilious, and then again modest and self-effacing, almost tremulous.
Connie and he were attached to one another, in the aloof modern way. He was
much too hurt in himself, the great shock of his maiming, to be easy and
flippant. He was a hurt thing. And as such Connie stuck to him passionately.
But she could not help feeling how little connexion he really had with
people. The miners were, in a sense, his own men; but he saw them as objects
rather than men, parts of the pit rather than parts of life, crude raw
phenomena rather than human beings along with him. He was in some way afraid of
them, he could not bear to have them look at him now he was lame. And their
queer, crude life seemed as unnatural as that of hedgehogs.
He was remotely interested; but like a man looking down a microscope, or up
a telescope. He was not in touch. He was not in actual touch with anybody,
save, traditionally, with Wragby, and, through the close bond of family
defence, with Emma. Beyond this nothing really touched him. Connie felt that
she herself didn't really, not really touch him; perhaps there was nothing to
get at ultimately; just a negation of human contact.
Yet he was absolutely dependent on her, he needed her every moment. Big and
strong as he was, he was helpless. He could wheel himself about in a wheeled
chair, and he had a sort of bath-chair with a motor attachment, in which he
could puff slowly round the park. But alone he was like a lost thing. He needed
Connie to be there, to assure him he existed at all.
Still he was ambitious. He had taken to writing stories; curious, very
personal stories about people he had known. Clever, rather spiteful, and yet,
in some mysterious way, meaningless. The observation was extraordinary and
peculiar. But there was no touch, no actual contact. It was as if the whole
thing took place in a vacuum. And since the field of life is largely an
artificially-lighted stage today, the stories were curiously true to modern
life, to the modern psychology, that is.
Clifford was almost morbidly sensitive about these stories. He wanted
everyone to think them good, of the best, ne plus ultra. They appeared
in the most modern magazines, and were praised and blamed as usual. But to
Clifford the blame was torture, like knives goading him. It was as if the whole
of his being were in his stories.
Connie helped him as much as she could. At first she was thrilled. He talked
everything over with her monotonously, insistently, persistently, and she had
to respond with all her might. It was as if her whole soul and body and sex had
to rouse up and pass into theme stories of his. This thrilled her and absorbed
her.
Of physical life they lived very little. She had to superintend the house.
But the housekeeper had served Sir Geoffrey for many years, arid the dried-up,
elderly, superlatively correct female you could hardly call her a parlour-maid,
or even a woman...who waited at table, had been in the house for forty years.
Even the very housemaids were no longer young. It was awful! What could you do
with such a place, but leave it alone! All these endless rooms that nobody
used, all the Midlands routine, the mechanical cleanliness and the mechanical
order! Clifford had insisted on a new cook, an experienced woman who had served
him in his rooms in London. For the rest the place seemed run by mechanical
anarchy. Everything went on in pretty good order, strict cleanliness, and
strict punctuality; even pretty strict honesty. And yet, to Connie, it was a
methodical anarchy. No warmth of feeling united it organically. The house
seemed as dreary as a disused street.
What could she do but leave it alone? So she left it alone. Miss Chatterley
came sometimes, with her aristocratic thin face, and triumphed, finding nothing
altered. She would never forgive Connie for ousting her from her union in
consciousness with her brother. It was she, Emma, who should be bringing forth
the stories, these books, with him; the Chatterley stories, something new in
the world, that they, the Chatterleys, had put there. There was no other
standard. There was no organic connexion with the thought and expression that
had gone before. Only something new in the world: the Chatterley books,
entirely personal.
Connie's father, where he paid a flying visit to Wragby, and in private to
his daughter: As for Clifford's writing, it's smart, but there's nothing in
it. It won't last! Connie looked at the burly Scottish knight who had done
himself well all his life, and her eyes, her big, still-wondering blue eyes
became vague. Nothing in it! What did he mean by nothing in it? If the critics
praised it, and Clifford's name was almost famous, and it even brought in
money...what did her father mean by saying there was nothing in Clifford's
writing? What else could there be?
For Connie had adopted the standard of the young: what there was in the
moment was everything. And moments followed one another without necessarily
belonging to one another.
It was in her second winter at Wragby her father said to her: `I hope,
Connie, you won't let circumstances force you into being a demi-vierge.'
`A demi-vierge!' replied Connie vaguely. `Why? Why not?'
`Unless you like it, of course!' said her father hastily. To Clifford he
said the same, when the two men were alone: `I'm afraid it doesn't quite suit
Connie to be a demi-vierge.'
`A half-virgin!' replied Clifford, translating the phrase to be sure of it.
He thought for a moment, then flushed very red. He was angry and offended.
`In what way doesn't it suit her?' he asked stiffly.
`She's getting thin...angular. It's not her style. She's not the pilchard
sort of little slip of a girl, she's a bonny Scotch trout.'
`Without the spots, of course!' said Clifford.
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