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She was watching a brown spaniel that had run out of a side-path, and was
looking towards them with lifted nose, making a soft, fluffy bark. A man with a
gun strode swiftly, softly out after the dog, facing their way as if about to
attack them; then stopped instead, saluted, and was turning downhill. It was
only the new game-keeper, but he had frightened Connie, he seemed to emerge
with such a swift menace. That was how she had seen him, like the sudden rush
of a threat out of nowhere.
He was a man in dark green velveteens and gaiters...the old style, with a
red face and red moustache and distant eyes. He was going quickly downhill.
`Mellors!' called Clifford.
The man faced lightly round, and saluted with a quick little gesture, a
soldier!
`Will you turn the chair round and get it started? That makes it easier,'
said Clifford.
The man at once slung his gun over his shoulder, and came forward with the same
curious swift, yet soft movements, as if keeping invisible. He was moderately
tall and lean, and was silent. He did not look at Connie at all, only at the
chair.
`Connie, this is the new game-keeper, Mellors. You haven't spoken to her
ladyship yet, Mellors?'
`No, Sir!' came the ready, neutral words.
The man lifted his hat as he stood, showing his thick, almost fair hair. He
stared straight into Connie's eyes, with a perfect, fearless, impersonal look,
as if he wanted to see what she was like. He made her feel shy. She bent her
head to him shyly, and he changed his hat to his left hand and made her a
slight bow, like a gentleman; but he said nothing at all. He remained for a
moment still, with his hat in his hand.
`But you've been here some time, haven't you?' Connie said to him.
`Eight months, Madam...your Ladyship!' he corrected himself calmly.
`And do you like it?'
She looked him in the eyes. His eyes narrowed a little, with irony, perhaps
with impudence.
`Why, yes, thank you, your Ladyship! I was reared here...'
He gave another slight bow, turned, put his hat on, and strode to take hold
of the chair. His voice on the last words had fallen into the heavy broad drag
of the dialect...perhaps also in mockery, because there had been no trace of
dialect before. He might almost be a gentleman. Anyhow, he was a curious,
quick, separate fellow, alone, but sure of himself.
Clifford started the little engine, the man carefully turned the chair, and
set it nose-forwards to the incline that curved gently to the dark hazel
thicket.
`Is that all then, Sir Clifford?' asked the man.
`No, you'd better come along in case she sticks. The engine isn't really
strong enough for the uphill work.' The man glanced round for his dog...a
thoughtful glance. The spaniel looked at him and faintly moved its tail. A
little smile, mocking or teasing her, yet gentle, came into his eyes for a
moment, then faded away, and his face was expressionless. They went fairly
quickly down the slope, the man with his hand on the rail of the chair,
steadying it. He looked like a free soldier rather than a servant. And
something about him reminded Connie of Tommy Dukes.
When they came to the hazel grove, Connie suddenly ran forward, and opened
the gate into the park. As she stood holding it, the two men looked at her in
passing, Clifford critically, the other man with a curious, cool wonder;
impersonally wanting to see what she looked like. And she saw in his blue,
impersonal eyes a look of suffering and detachment, yet a certain warmth. But
why was he so aloof, apart?
Clifford stopped the chair, once through the gate, and the man came quickly,
courteously, to close it.
`Why did you run to open?' asked Clifford in his quiet, calm voice, that
showed he was displeased. `Mellors would have done it.'
`I thought you would go straight ahead,' said Connie. `And leave you to run
after us?' said Clifford.
`Oh, well, I like to run sometimes!'
Mellors took the chair again, looking perfectly unheeding, yet Connie felt
he noted everything. As he pushed the chair up the steepish rise of the knoll
in the park, he breathed rather quickly, through parted lips. He was rather
frail really. Curiously full of vitality, but a little frail and quenched. Her
woman's instinct sensed it.
Connie fell back, let the chair go on. The day had greyed over; the small
blue sky that had poised low on its circular rims of haze was closed in again,
the lid was down, there was a raw coldness. It was going to snow. All grey, all
grey! the world looked worn out.
The chair waited at the top of the pink path. Clifford looked round for
Connie.
`Not tired, are you?' he said.
`Oh, no!' she said.
But she was. A strange, weary yearning, a dissatisfaction had started in
her. Clifford did not notice: those were not things he was aware of. But the
stranger knew. To Connie, everything in her world and life seemed worn out, and
her dissatisfaction was older than the hills.
They came to the house, and around to the back, where there were no steps.
Clifford managed to swing himself over on to the low, wheeled house-chair; he
was very strong and agile with his arms. Then Connie lifted the burden of his
dead legs after him.
The keeper, waiting at attention to be dismissed, watched everything
narrowly, missing nothing. He went pale, with a sort of fear, when he saw
Connie lifting the inert legs of the man in her arms, into the other chair,
Clifford pivoting round as she did so. He was frightened.
`Thanks, then, for the help, Mellors,' said Clifford casually, as he began
to wheel down the passage to the servants' quarters.
`Nothing else, Sir?' came the neutral voice, like one in a dream.
`Nothing, good morning!'
`Good morning, Sir.'
`Good morning! it was kind of you to push the chair up that hill...I hope it
wasn't heavy for you,' said Connie, looking back at the keeper outside the
door.
His eyes came to hers in an instant, as if wakened up. He was aware of her.
`Oh no, not heavy!' he said quickly. Then his voice dropped again into the
broad sound of the vernacular: `Good mornin' to your Ladyship!'
`Who is your game-keeper?' Connie asked at lunch.
`Mellors! You saw him,' said Clifford.
`Yes, but where did he come from?'
`Nowhere! He was a Tevershall boy...son of a collier, I believe.'
`And was he a collier himself?'
`Blacksmith on the pit-bank, I believe: overhead smith. But he was keeper
here for two years before the war...before he joined up. My father always had a
good Opinion of him, so when he came back, and went to the pit for a blacksmith's
job, I just took him back here as keeper. I was really very glad to get
him...its almost impossible to find a good man round here for a
gamekeeper...and it needs a man who knows the people.'
`And isn't he married?'
`He was. But his wife went off with...with various men...but finally with a
collier at Stacks Gate, and I believe she's living there still.'
`So this man is alone?'
`More or less! He has a mother in the village...and a child, I believe.'
Clifford looked at Connie, with his pale, slightly prominent blue eyes, in
which a certain vagueness was coming. He seemed alert in the foreground, but
the background was like the Midlands atmosphere, haze, smoky mist. And the haze
seemed to be creeping forward. So when he stared at Connie in his peculiar way,
giving her his peculiar, precise information, she felt all the background of
his mind filling up with mist, with nothingness. And it frightened her. It made
him seem impersonal, almost to idiocy.
And dimly she realized one of the great laws of the human soul: that when
the emotional soul receives a wounding shock, which does not kill the body, the
soul seems to recover as the body recovers. But this is only appearance. It is
really only the mechanism of the re-assumed habit. Slowly, slowly the wound to
the soul begins to make itself felt, like a bruise, which Only slowly deepens
its terrible ache, till it fills all the psyche. And when we think we have
recovered and forgotten, it is then that the terrible after-effects have to be
encountered at their worst.
So it was with Clifford. Once he was `well', once he was back at Wragby, and
writing his stories, and feeling sure of life, in spite of all, he seemed to
forget, and to have recovered all his equanimity. But now, as the years went
by, slowly, slowly, Connie felt the bruise of fear and horror coming up, and
spreading in him. For a time it had been so deep as to be numb, as it were
non-existent. Now slowly it began to assert itself in a spread of fear, almost
paralysis. Mentally he still was alert. But the paralysis, the bruise of the
too-great shock, was gradually spreading in his affective self.
And as it spread in him, Connie felt it spread in her. An inward dread, an
emptiness, an indifference to everything gradually spread in her soul. When
Clifford was roused, he could still talk brilliantly and, as it were, command
the future: as when, in the wood, he talked about her having a child, and
giving an heir to Wragby. But the day after, all the brilliant words seemed
like dead leaves, crumpling up and turning to powder, meaning really nothing,
blown away on any gust of wind. They were not the leafy words of an effective
life, young with energy and belonging to the tree. They were the hosts of
fallen leaves of a life that is ineffectual.
So it seemed to her everywhere. The colliers at Tevershall were talking
again of a strike, and it seemed to Connie there again it was not a
manifestation of energy, it was the bruise of the war that had been in
abeyance, slowly rising to the surface and creating the great ache of unrest,
and stupor of discontent. The bruise was deep, deep, deep...the bruise of the
false inhuman war. It would take many years for the living blood of the
generations to dissolve the vast black clot of bruised blood, deep inside their
souls and bodies. And it would need a new hope.
Poor Connie! As the years drew on it was the fear of nothingness In her life
that affected her. Clifford's mental life and hers gradually began to feel like
nothingness. Their marriage, their integrated life based on a habit of
intimacy, that he talked about: there were days when it all became utterly
blank and nothing. It was words, just so many words. The only reality was
nothingness, and over it a hypocrisy of words.
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