She lay quite still, in a sort of sleep, in a sort of dream. Then she
quivered as she felt his hand groping softly, yet with queer thwarted
clumsiness, among her `clothing. Yet the hand knew, too, how to unclothe her
where it wanted. He drew down the thin silk sheath, slowly, carefully, right
down and over her feet. Then with a quiver of exquisite pleasure he touched the
warm soft body, and touched her navel for a moment in a kiss. And he had to
come in to her at once, to enter the peace on earth of her soft, quiescent
body. It was the moment of pure peace for him, the entry into the body of the
woman.
She lay still, in a kind of sleep, always in a kind of sleep. The activity,
the orgasm was his, all his; she could strive for herself no more. Even the
tightness of his arms round her, even the intense movement of his body, and the
springing of his seed in her, was a kind of sleep, from which she did not begin
to rouse till he had finished and lay softly panting against her breast.
Then she wondered, just dimly wondered, why? Why was this necessary? Why had
it lifted a great cloud from her and given her peace? Was it real? Was it real?
Her tormented modern-woman's brain still had no rest. Was it real? And she
knew, if she gave herself to the man, it was real. But if she kept herself for
herself it was nothing. She was old; millions of years old, she felt. And at
last, she could bear the burden of herself no more. She was to be had for the taking.
To be had for the taking.
The man lay in a mysterious stillness. What was he feeling? What was he
thinking? She did not know. He was a strange man to her, she did not know him.
She must only wait, for she did not dare to break his mysterious stillness. He
lay there with his arms round her, his body on hers, his wet body touching
hers, so close. And completely unknown. Yet not unpeaceful. His very stillness
was peaceful.
She knew that, when at last he roused and drew away from her. It was like an
abandonment. He drew her dress in the darkness down over her knees and stood a
few moments, apparently adjusting his own clothing. Then he quietly opened the
door and went out.
She saw a very brilliant little moon shining above the afterglow over the
oaks. Quickly she got up and arranged herself she was tidy. Then she went to
the door of the hut.
All the lower wood was in shadow, almost darkness. Yet the sky overhead was
crystal. But it shed hardly any light. He came through the lower shadow towards
her, his face lifted like a pale blotch.
`Shall we go then?' he said.
`Where?'
`I'll go with you to the gate.'
He arranged things his own way. He locked the door of the hut and came after
her.
`You aren't sorry, are you?' he asked, as he went at her side.
`No! No! Are you?' she said.
`For that! No!' he said. Then after a while he added: `But there's the rest
of things.'
`What rest of things?' she said.
`Sir Clifford. Other folks. All the complications.'
`Why complications?' she said, disappointed.
`It's always so. For you as well as for me. There's always complications.'
He walked on steadily in the dark.
`And are you sorry?' she said.
`In a way!' he replied, looking up at the sky. `I thought I'd done with it
all. Now I've begun again.'
`Begun what?'
`Life.'
`Life!' she re-echoed, with a queer thrill.
`It's life,' he said. `There's no keeping clear. And if you do keep clear
you might almost as well die. So if I've got to be broken open again, I have.'
She did not quite see it that way, but still `It's just love,' she said
cheerfully.
`Whatever that may be,' he replied.
They went on through the darkening wood in silence, till they were almost at
the gate.
`But you don't hate me, do you?' she said wistfully.
`Nay, nay,' he replied. And suddenly he held her fast against his breast
again, with the old connecting passion. `Nay, for me it was good, it was good.
Was it for you?'
`Yes, for me too,' she answered, a little untruthfully, for she had not been
conscious of much.
He kissed her softly, softly, with the kisses of warmth.
`If only there weren't so many other people in the world,' he said
lugubriously.
She laughed. They were at the gate to the park. He opened it for her.
`I won't come any further,' he said.
`No!' And she held out her hand, as if to shake hands. But he took it in
both his.
`Shall I come again?' she asked wistfully.
`Yes! Yes!'
She left him and went across the park.
He stood back and watched her going into the dark, against the pallor of the
horizon. Almost with bitterness he watched her go. She had connected him up
again, when he had wanted to be alone. She had cost him that bitter privacy of
a man who at last wants only to be alone.
He turned into the dark of the wood. All was still, the moon had set. But he
was aware of the noises of the night, the engines at Stacks Gate, the traffic
on the main road. Slowly he climbed the denuded knoll. And from the top he
could see the country, bright rows of lights at Stacks Gate, smaller lights at
Tevershall pit, the yellow lights of Tevershall and lights everywhere, here and
there, on the dark country, with the distant blush of furnaces, faint and rosy,
since the night was clear, the rosiness of the outpouring of white-hot metal.
Sharp, wicked electric lights at Stacks Gate! An undefinable quick of evil in
them! And all the unease, the ever-shifting dread of the industrial night in
the Midlands. He could hear the winding-engines at Stacks Gate turning down the
seven-o'clock miners. The pit worked three shifts.
He went down again into the darkness and seclusion of the wood. But he knew
that the seclusion of the wood was illusory. The industrial noises broke the
solitude, the sharp lights, though unseen, mocked it. A man could no longer be
private and withdrawn. The world allows no hermits. And now he had taken the
woman, and brought on himself a new cycle of pain and doom. For he knew by
experience what it meant.
It was not woman's fault, nor even love's fault, nor the fault of sex. The
fault lay there, out there, in those evil electric lights and diabolical
rattlings of engines. There, in the world of the mechanical greedy, greedy
mechanism and mechanized greed, sparkling with lights and gushing hot metal and
roaring with traffic, there lay the vast evil thing, ready to destroy whatever
did not conform. Soon it would destroy the wood, and the bluebells would spring
no more. All vulnerable things must perish under the rolling and running of
iron.
He thought with infinite tenderness of the woman. Poor forlorn thing, she
was nicer than she knew, and oh! so much too nice for the tough lot she was in
contact with. Poor thing, she too had some of the vulnerability of the wild
hyacinths, she wasn't all tough rubber-goods and platinum, like the modern
girl. And they would do her in! As sure as life, they would do her in, as they
do in all naturally tender life. Tender! Somewhere she was tender, tender with
a tenderness of the growing hyacinths, something that has gone out of the
celluloid women of today. But he would protect her with his heart for a little
while. For a little while, before the insentient iron world and the Mammon of
mechanized greed did them both in, her as well as him.
He went home with his gun and his dog, to the dark cottage, lit the lamp,
started the fire, and ate his supper of bread and cheese, young onions and
beer. He was alone, in a silence he loved. His room was clean and tidy, but
rather stark. Yet the fire was bright, the hearth white, the petroleum lamp
hung bright over the table, with its white oil-cloth. He tried to read a book
about India, but tonight he could not read. He sat by the fire in his
shirt-sleeves, not smoking, but with a mug of beer in reach. And he thought
about Connie.
To tell the truth, he was sorry for what had happened, perhaps most for her
sake. He had a sense of foreboding. No sense of wrong or sin; he was troubled
by no conscience in that respect. He knew that conscience was chiefly tear of
society, or fear of oneself. He was not afraid of himself. But he was quite
consciously afraid of society, which he knew by instinct to be a malevolent,
partly-insane beast.
The woman! If she could be there with him, arid there were nobody else in
the world! The desire rose again, his penis began to stir like a live bird. At
the same time an oppression, a dread of exposing himself and her to that
outside Thing that sparkled viciously in the electric lights, weighed down his
shoulders. She, poor young thing, was just a young female creature to him; but
a young female creature whom he had gone into and whom he desired again.
Stretching with the curious yawn of desire, for he had been alone and apart
from man or woman for four years, he rose and took his coat again, and his gun,
lowered the lamp and went out into the starry night, with the dog. Driven by
desire and by dread of the malevolent Thing outside, he made his round in the
wood, slowly, softly. He loved the darkness arid folded himself into it. It
fitted the turgidity of his desire which, in spite of all, was like a riches;
the stirring restlessness of his penis, the stirring fire in his loins! Oh, if
only there were other men to be with, to fight that sparkling electric Thing
outside there, to preserve the tenderness of life, the tenderness of women, and
the natural riches of desire. If only there were men to fight side by side
with! But the men were all outside there, glorying in the Thing, triumphing or
being trodden down in the rush of mechanized greed or of greedy mechanism.
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