Alice felt
dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no sort of meaning in
it, and yet it was certainly English. `I don't quite understand you,' she said,
as politely as she could.
`The
Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured a little hot tea upon
its nose.
The
Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its eyes, `Of
course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.'
`Have you
guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.
`No, I
give it up,' Alice replied: `what's the answer?'
`I haven't
the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.
`Nor I,'
said the March Hare.
Alice
sighed wearily. `I think you might do something better with the time,' she
said, `than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.'
`If you
knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, `you wouldn't talk about wasting
IT. It's HIM.'
`I don't
know what you mean,' said Alice.
`Of course
you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously. `I dare say you
never even spoke to Time!'
`Perhaps
not,' Alice cautiously replied: `but I know I have to beat time when I learn
music.'
`Ah! that
accounts for it,' said the Hatter. `He won't stand beating. Now, if you only
kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything you liked with the clock.
For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin
lessons: you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in
a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!'
(`I only
wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.)
`That
would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: `but then--I shouldn't be
hungry for it, you know.'
`Not at
first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: `but you could keep it to half-past one as
long as you liked.'
`Is that
the way YOU manage?' Alice asked.
The Hatter
shook his head mournfully. `Not I!' he replied. `We quarrelled last March--just
before HE went mad, you know--' (pointing with his tea spoon at the March
Hare,) `--it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had
to sing
"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you're at!"
You know
the song, perhaps?'
`I've
heard something like it,' said Alice.
`It goes
on, you know,' the Hatter continued, `in this way:--
"Up above the world you fly, Like a tea-tray in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle--"'
Here the
Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep `Twinkle, twinkle,
twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it
stop.
`Well, I'd
hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter, `when the Queen jumped up
and bawled out, "He's murdering the time! Off with his head!"'
`How
dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice.
`And ever
since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, `he won't do a thing I ask!
It's always six o'clock now.'
A bright
idea came into Alice's head. `Is that the reason so many tea-things are put out
here?' she asked.
`Yes,
that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: `it's always tea-time, and we've no
time to wash the things between whiles.'
`Then you
keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice.
`Exactly
so,' said the Hatter: `as the things get used up.'
`But what
happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice ventured to ask.
`Suppose
we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted, yawning. `I'm getting tired
of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.'
`I'm
afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at the proposal.
`Then the
Dormouse shall!' they both cried. `Wake up, Dormouse!' And they pinched it on
both sides at once.
The
Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. `I wasn't asleep,' he said in a hoarse, feeble
voice: `I heard every word you fellows were saying.'
`Tell us a
story!' said the March Hare.
`Yes,
please do!' pleaded Alice.
`And be quick
about it,' added the Hatter, `or you'll be asleep again before it's done.'
`Once upon
a time there were three little sisters,' the Dormouse began in a great hurry;
`and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of
a well--'
`What did
they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great interest in questions of
eating and drinking.
`They
lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or two.
`They
couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently remarked; `they'd have been
ill.'
`So they
were,' said the Dormouse; `VERY ill.'
Alice
tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of living would be
like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on: `But why did they live at
the bottom of a well?'
`Take some
more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
`I've had
nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, `so I can't take more.'
`You mean
you can't take LESS,' said the Hatter: `it's very easy to take MORE than
nothing.'
`Nobody asked
YOUR opinion,' said Alice.
`Who's
making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked triumphantly.
Alice did
not quite know what to say to this: so she helped herself to some tea and bread-and-butter,
and then turned to the Dormouse, and repeated her question. `Why did they live
at the bottom of a well?'
The
Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and then said, `It was a
treacle-well.'
`There's
no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but the Hatter and the March
Hare went `Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse sulkily remarked, `If you can't be civil,
you'd better finish the story for yourself.'
`No,
please go on!' Alice said very humbly; `I won't interrupt again. I dare say
there may be ONE.'
`One,
indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he consented to go on. `And so
these three little sisters--they were learning to draw, you know--'
`What did
they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.
`Treacle,'
said the Dormouse, without considering at all this time.
`I want a
clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: `let's all move one place on.'
He moved
on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the March Hare moved into the
Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly took the place of the March
Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any advantage from the change: and
Alice was a good deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset
the milk-jug into his plate.
Alice did
not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began very cautiously: `But I
don't understand. Where did they draw the treacle from?'
`You can
draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; `so I should think you could
draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, stupid?'
`But they
were IN the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not choosing to notice this last
remark.
`Of course
they were', said the Dormouse; `--well in.'
This
answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse go on for some time
without interrupting it.
`They were
learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing its eyes, for it
was getting very sleepy; `and they drew all manner of things--everything that
begins with an M--'
`Why with
an M?' said Alice.
`Why not?'
said the March Hare.
Alice was
silent.
The
Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into a doze; but,
on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with a little shriek, and went
on: `--that begins with an M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory,
and muchness-- you know you say things are "much of a muchness"--did
you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?'
`Really,
now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, `I don't think--'
`Then you
shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter.
This piece
of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in great disgust, and
walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others took
the least notice of her going, though she looked back once or twice, half
hoping that they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were
trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.
`At any
rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she picked her way through the
wood. `It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!'
Just as
she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door leading right into
it. `That's very curious!' she thought. `But everything's curious today. I
think I may as well go in at once.' And in she went.
Once more
she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little glass table. `Now,
I'll manage better this time,' she said to herself, and began by taking the
little golden key, and unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she
went to work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in her
pocked) till she was about a foot high: then she walked down the little
passage: and THEN--she found herself at last in the beautiful garden, among the
bright flower-beds and the cool fountains.

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