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Facing the hearth, his legs wide apart, a long clay pipe in his mouth, stood
mine host himself, worthy Mr. Jellyband, landlord of "The Fisherman's
Rest," as his father had before him, aye, and his grandfather and
greatgrandfather too, for that matter. Portly in build, jovial in countenance
and somewhat bald of pate, Mr. Jellyband was indeed a typical rural John Bull
of those days--the days when our prejudiced insularity was at its height, when
to an Englishman, be he lord, yeoman, or peasant, the whole of the continent of
Europe was a den of immorality and the rest of the world an unexploited land of
savages and cannibals.
There he stood, mine worthy host, firm and well set up on his limbs, smoking
his long churchwarden and caring nothing for nobody at home, and despising
everybody abroad. He wore the typical scarlet waistcoat, with shiny brass
buttons, the corduroy breeches, and grey worsted stockings and smart buckled
shoes, that characterised every self-respecting innkeeper in Great Britain in
these days--and while pretty, motherless Sally had need of four pairs of brown
hands to do all the work that fell on her shapely shoulders, worthy Jellyband
discussed the affairs of nations with his most privileged guests.
The coffee-room indeed, lighted by two well-polished lamps, which hung from
the raftered ceiling, looked cheerful and cosy in the extreme. Through the
dense clouds of tobacco smoke that hung about in every corner, the faces of Mr.
Jellyband's customers appeared red and pleasant to look at, and on good terms
with themselves, their host and all the world; from every side of the room loud
guffaws accompanied pleasant, if not highly intellectual, conversation--while
Sally's repeated giggles testified to the good use Mr. Harry Waite was making
of the short time she seemed inclined to spare him.
They were mostly fisher-folk who patronised Mr. Jellyband's coffee-room, but
fishermen are known to be very thirsty people; the salt which they breathe in,
when they are on the sea, accounts for their parched throats when on shore. but
"The Fisherman's Rest" was something more than a rendezvous for these
humble folk. The London and Dover coach started from the hostel daily, and
passengers who had come across the Channel, and those who started for the
"grand tour," all became acquainted with Mr. Jellyband, his French
wines and his home-brewed ales.
It was towards the close of September, 1792, and the weather which had been
brilliant and hot throughout the month had suddenly broken up; for two days
torrents of rain had deluged the south of England, doing its level best to ruin
what chances the apples and pears and late plums had of becoming really fine,
self-respecting fruit. Even now it was beating against the leaded windows, and
tumbling down the chimney, making the cheerful wood fire sizzle in the hearth.
"Lud! did you ever see such a wet September, Mr. Jellyband?" asked
Mr. Hempseed.
He sat in one of the seats inside the hearth, did Mr. Hempseed, for he was
an authority and important personage not only at "The Fisherman's
Rest," where Mr. Jellyband always made a special selection of him as a
foil for political arguments, but throughout the neighborhood, where his
learning and notably his knowledge of the Scriptures was held in the most
profound awe and respect. With one hand buried in the capacious pockets of his
corduroys underneath his elaborately-worked, well-worn smock, the other holding
his long clay pipe, Mr. Hempseed sat there looking dejectedly across the room
at the rivulets of moisture which trickled down the window panes.
"No," replied Mr. Jellyband, sententiously, "I dunno, Mr.
'Empseed, as I ever did. An' I've been in these parts nigh on sixty
years."
"Aye! you wouldn't rec'llect the first three years of them sixty, Mr.
Jellyband," quietly interposed Mr. Hempseed. "I dunno as I ever see'd
an infant take much note of the weather, leastways not in these parts, an'
_I_'ve lived `ere nigh on seventy-five years, Mr. Jellyband."
The superiority of this wisdom was so incontestable that for the moment Mr.
Jellyband was not ready with his usual flow of argument.
"It do seem more like April than September, don't it?" continued
Mr. Hempseed, dolefully, as a shower of raindrops fell with a sizzle upon the
fire.
"Aye! that it do," assented the worth host, "but then what
can you `xpect, Mr. `Empseed, I says, with sich a government as we've
got?"
Mr. Hempseed shook his head with an infinity of wisdom, tempered by
deeply-rooted mistrust of the British climate and the British Government.
"I don't `xpect nothing, Mr. Jellyband," he said. "Pore folks
like us is of no account up there in Lunnon, I knows that, and it's not often
as I do complain. But when it comes to sich wet weather in September, and all
me fruit a-rottin' and a-dying' like the `Guptian mother's first born, and
doin' no more good than they did, pore dears, save a lot more Jews, pedlars and
sich, with their oranges and sich like foreign ungodly fruit, which nobody'd
buy if English apples and pears was nicely swelled. As the Scriptures
say--"
"That's quite right, Mr. `Empseed," retorted Jellyband, "and
as I says, what can you `xpect? There's all them Frenchy devils over the
Channel yonder a-murderin' their king and nobility, and Mr. Pitt and Mr. Fox
and Mr. Burke a-fightin' and a-wranglin' between them, if we Englishmen should
`low them to go on in their ungodly way. `Let 'em murder!' says Mr. Pitt. `Stop
`em!' says Mr. Burke."
"And let `em murder, says I, and be demmed to `em." said Mr.
Hempseed, emphatically, for he had but little liking for his friend Jellyband's
political arguments, wherein he always got out of his depth, and had but little
chance for displaying those pearls of wisdom which had earned for him so high a
reputation in the neighbourhood and so many free tankards of ale at "The
Fisherman's Rest."
"Let `em murder," he repeated again, "but don't lets `ave
sich rain in September, for that is agin the law and the Scriptures which
says--"
"Lud! Mr. `Arry, `ow you made me jump!"
It was unfortunate for Sally and her flirtation that this remark of hers
should have occurred at the precise moment when Mr. Hempseed was collecting his
breath, in order to deliver himself one of those Scriptural utterances which
made him famous, for it brought down upon her pretty head the full flood of her
father's wrath.
"Now then, Sally, me girl, now then!" he said, trying to force a
frown upon his good-humoured face, "stop that fooling with them young
jackanapes and get on with the work."
"The work's gettin' on all ri', father."
But Mr. Jellyband was peremptory. He had other views for his buxom daughter,
his only child, who would in God's good time become the owner of "The
Fisherman's Rest," than to see her married to one of these young fellows
who earned but a precarious livelihood with their net.
"Did ye hear me speak, me girl?" he said in that quiet tone, which
no one inside the inn dared to disobey. "Get on with my Lord Tony's
supper, for, if it ain't the best we can do, and `e not satisfied, see what
you'll get, that's all."
Reluctantly Sally obeyed.
"Is you `xpecting special guests then to-night, Mr. Jellyband?"
asked Jimmy Pitkin, in a loyal attempt to divert his host's attention from the
circumstances connected with Sally's exit from the room.
"Aye! that I be," replied Jellyband, "friends of my Lord Tony
hisself. Dukes and duchesses from over the water yonder, whom the young lord
and his friend, Sir Andrew Ffoulkes, and other young noblemen have helped out
of the clutches of them murderin' devils."
But this was too much for Mr. Hempseed's querulous philosophy.
"Lud!" he said, "what do they do that for, I wonder? I don't
'old not with interferin' in other folks' ways. As the Scriptures say--"
"Maybe, Mr. `Empseed," interrupted Jellyband, with biting sarcasm,
"as you're a personal friend of Mr. Pitt, and as you says along with Mr.
Fox: `Let `em murder!' says you."
"Pardon me, Mr. Jellyband," febbly protested Mr. Hempseed, "I
dunno as I ever did."
But Mr. Jellyband had at last succeeded in getting upon his favourite
hobby-horse, and had no intention of dismounting in any hurry.
"Or maybe you've made friends with some of them French chaps 'oo they
do say have come over here o' purpose to make us Englishmen agree with their
murderin' ways."
"I dunno what you mean, Mr. Jellyband," suggested Mr. Hempseed,
"all I know is--"
"All _I_ know is," loudly asserted mine host, "that there was
my friend Peppercorn, `oo owns the `Blue-Faced Boar,' an' as true and loyal an
Englishman as you'd see in the land. And now look at 'im!--'E made friends with
some o' them frog-eaters, `obnobbed with them just as if they was Englishmen,
and not just a lot of immoral, Godforsaking furrin' spies. Well! and what
happened? Peppercorn `e now ups and talks of revolutions, and liberty, and down
with the aristocrats, just like Mr. `Empseed over `ere!"
"Pardon me, Mr. Jellyband," again interposed Mr. Hempseed feebly,
"I dunno as I ever did--"
Mr. Jellyband had appealed to the company in general, who were listening
awe-struck and open-mouthed at the recital of Mr. Peppercorn's defalcations. At
one table two customers--gentlemen apparently by their clothes--had pushed
aside their half-finished game of dominoes, and had been listening for some
time, and evidently with much amusement at Mr. Jellyband's international
opinions. One of them now, with a quiet, sarcastic smile still lurking round
the corners of his mobile mouth, turned towards the centre of the room where
Mr. Jellyband was standing.
"You seem to think, mine honest friend," he said quietly,
"that these Frenchmen,--spies I think you called them--are mighty clever
fellows to have made mincemeat so to speak of your friend Mr. Peppercorn's
opinions. How did they accomplish that now, think you?"
"Lud! sir, I suppose they talked `im over. Those Frenchies, I've `eard
it said, `ave got the gift of gab--and Mr. `Empseed `ere will tell you `ow it
is that they just twist some people round their little finger like."
"Indeed, and is that so, Mr. Hempseed?" inquired the stranger
politely.
"Nay, sir!" replied Mr. Hempseed, much irritated, "I dunno as
I can give you the information you require."
"Faith, then," said the stranger, "let us hope, my worthy
host, that these clever spies will not succeed in upsetting your extremely
loyal opinions."
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