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The
Caliph smiled and, seating himself by his side, said to him, "O my
brother, did I not tell thee that I would return to thee?" Quoth Abu
al-Hasan, "I have no need of thee, and as the byword sayeth in verse:
"Fro'
my friend, 'twere meeter and wiser to part,
For
what eye sees not born shall ne'er sorrow heart." And indeed, O my
brother, the night thou camest to me and we conversed and caroused together, I
and thou, 'twas as if the Devil came to me and troubled me that night."
Asked the Caliph, "And who is he, the Devil?" and answered Abu
al-Hasan, "He is none other than thou." Whereat the Caliph laughed
and coaxed him and spake him fair, saying: "O my brother, when I went out
from thee, I forgot the door and left it open, and perhaps Satan came in to
thee." Quoth Abu al-Hasan: "Ask me not of that which hath betided me.
What possessed thee to leave the door open, so that the Devil came in to me and
there befell me with him this and that?" And he related to him all that
had betided him, first and last (and in repetition is no fruition), what while
the Caliph laughed and hid his laughter.
Then
said he to Abu al-Hasan: "Praised be Allah who hath done away from thee
whatso irked thee, and that I see thee once more in weal!" And Abu
al-Hasan said: "Never again will I take thee to cup companion or sitting
comrade, for the proverb saith, 'Whoso stumbleth on a stone and thereto
returneth, upon him be blame and reproach.' And thou, O my brother, nevermore
will I entertain thee nor company with thee, for that I have not found thy heel
propitious to me." But the Caliph coaxed him and said, "I have been
the means of thy winning to thy wish anent the imam and the Sheikhs." Abu
al-Hasan replied, "Thou hast," and Al-Rashid continued, "And
haply somewhat may betide which shall gladden thy heart yet more." Abu
al-Hasan asked, "What dost thou require of me?" and the Commander of
the Faithful answered: "Verily, I am thy guest. Reject not the
guest." Quoth Abu al-Hasan: "On condition that thou swear to me by
the characts on the seal of Solomon, David's son (on the twain be the peace!)
that thou wilt not suffer thine Ifrits to make fun of me." He replied,
"To hear is to obey!"
Whereupon
the wag took him and brought him into the saloon and set food before him and
entreated him with friendly speech. Then he told him all that had befallen him,
whilst the Caliph was like to die of stifled laughter. After which Abu al-Hasan
removed the tray of food, and bringing the wine service, filled a cup and
cracked it three times, then gave it to the Caliph, saying: "O boon
companion mine, I am thy slave, and let not that which I am about to say offend
thee, and be thou not vexed, neither do thou vex me." And he recited these
verses:
"Hear
one that wills thee well! Lips none shall bless
Save
those who drink for drunk and all transgress.
Ne'er
will I cease to swill while night falls dark
Till
lout my forehead low upon my tass.
In
wine like liquid sun is my delight
Which
clears all care and gladdens allegresse."
When
the Caliph heard these his verses and saw how apt he was at couplets, he was
delighted with exceeding delight, and taking the cup, drank it off, and the
twain ceased not to converse and carouse till the wine rose to their heads.
Then quoth Abu al-Hasan to the Caliph: "O boon companion mine, of a truth
I am perplexed concerning my affair, for meseemed I was Commander of the
Faithful and ruled and gave gifts and largess, and in very deed, O my brother,
it was not a dream." Quoth the Caliph, "These were the imbroglios of
sleep," and crumbling a bit of bhang into the cup, said to him, "By
my life, do thou drink this cup," and said Abu al-Hasan, "Surely I
will drink it from thy hand." Then he took the cup and drank it off, and
no sooner had it settled in his stomach than his head fell to the ground before
his feet. Now his manners and fashions pleased the Caliph, and the excellence
of his composition and his frankness, and he said in himself, "I will
assuredly make him my cup companion and sitting comrade." So he rose
forthright, and saying to Masrur, "Take him up," returned to the
palace.
Accordingly,
the eunuch took up Abu al-Hasan, and carrying him to the palace of the
caliphate, set him down before Al-Rashid, who bade the slaves and slave girls
compass him about, whilst he himself hid in a place where Abu al-Hasan could
not see him. Then he commanded one of the handmaidens to take the lute and
strike it over the wag's head, whilst the rest smote upon their instruments. So
they played and sang, till Abu al-Hasan awoke at the last of the night and
heard the symphony of lutes and tambourines and the sound of the flutes and the
singing of the slave girls, whereupon he opened eyes, and finding himself in
the palace, with the handmaids and eunuchs about him, exclaimed: "There is
no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great! Come
to my help this night, which meseems more unlucky than the former! Verily, I am
fearful of the madhouse and of that which I suffered therein the first time,
and I doubt not but the Devil is come to me again, as before. O Allah, my Lord,
put thou Satan to shame!" Then he shut his eyes and laid his head in his
sleeve, and fell to laughing softly and raising his head betimes, but still
found the apartment lighted and the girls singing.
Presently
one of the eunuchs sat down at his head and said to him, "Sit up, O Prince
of True Believers, and look on thy palace and thy slave girls." Said Abu
al-Hasan: "Under the veil of Allah, am I in truth Commander of the
Faithful, and dost thou not lie? Yesterday I rode not forth, neither ruled, but
drank and slept, and this eunuch cometh to make me rise." Then he sat up
and recalled to thought that which had betided him with his mother and how he
had beaten her and entered the bedlam, and he saw the marks of the beating
wherewith the superintendant had beaten him, and was perplexed concerning his
affair and pondered in himself, saying, "By Allah, I know not how my case
is nor what is this that betideth me!" Then, gazing at the scene around
him, he said privily, "All these are of the Jann in human shape, and I commit
my case to Allah."
Presently
he turned to one of the damsels and said to her, "Who am I?" Quoth
she, "Thou art the Commander of the Faithful," and quoth he:
"Thou liest, O calamity! If I be indeed the Commander of the Faithful,
bite my finger." So she came to him and bit it with all her might, and he
said to her, "It doth suffice." Then he asked the chief eunuch,
"Who am I?" and he answered, "Thou art the Commander of the
Faithful." So he left him and returned to his wonderment. Then, turning to
a little white slave, said to him, "Bite my ear," and he bent his
head low down to him and put his ear to his mouth. Now the Mameluke was young
and lacked sense, so he closed his teeth upon Abu al-Hasan's ear with all his
might, till he came near to sever it. And he knew not Arabic, so as often as
the wag said to him, "It doth suffice," he concluded that he said,
"Bite like a vice," and redoubled his bite and made his teeth meet in
the ear, whilst the damsels were diverted from him with hearkening to the
singing girls, and Abu al-Hasan cried out for succor from the boy and the
Caliph lost his senses for laughter.
Then
he dealt the boy a cuff, and he let go his ear, whereupon all present fell down
with laughter and said to the little Mameluke, "Art mad that thou bitest
the Caliph's ear on this wise?" And Abu al-Hasan cried to them:
"Sufficeth ye not, O ye wretched Jinns, that which hath befallen me? But
the fault is not yours. The fault is of your chief, who transmewed you from
Jinn shape to mortal shape. I seek refuge against you this night by the Throne
Verse and the Chapter of Sincerity and the Two Preventives!" So saying,
the wag put off his clothes till he was naked, with prickle and breech exposed,
and danced among the slave girls. They bound his hands and he wantoned among
them, while they died of laughing at him and the Caliph swooned away for excess
of laughter.
Then
he came to himself, and going forth the curtain to Abu al-Hasan, said to him:
"Out on thee, O Abu al-Hasan! Thou slayest me with laughter." So he
turned to him, and knowing him, said to him, "By Allah, 'tis thou slayest
me and slayest my mother and slewest the Sheikhs and the imam of the
mosque!" After which he kissed ground before him and prayed for the
permanence of his prosperity and the endurance of his days. The Caliph at once
robed him in a rich robe and gave him a thousand dinars, and presently he took
the wag into especial favor and married him and bestowed largess on him and
lodged him with himself in the palace and made him of the chief of his cup
companions, and indeed he was preferred with him above them, and the Caliph
advanced him over them all, so that he sat with him and the Lady Zubaydah bint
al-Kasim, whose treasuress, Nuzhat al-Fuad hight, was given to him in marriage.
After
this Abu al-Hasan the wag abode with his wife in eating and drinking and all
delight of life, till whatso was with them went the way of money, when he said
to her, "Harkye, O Nuzhat al-Fuad!" Said she, "At thy
service," and he continued, "I have it in mind to play a trick on the
Caliph, and thou shalt do the like with the Lady Zubaydah, and we will take of
them at once, to begin with, two hundred dinars and two pieces of silk."
She rejoined, "As thou willest, but what thinkest thou to do?" And he
said: "We will feign ourselves dead, and this is the trick. I will die
before thee and lay myself out, and do thou spread over me a silken napkin and
loose my turban over me and tie my toes and lay on my stomach a knife and a
little salt. Then let down thy hair and betake thyself to thy mistress
Zubaydah, tearing thy dress and slapping thy face and crying out. She will ask
thee, 'What aileth thee?' and do thou answer her, 'May thy head outlive Abu
al-Hasan the wag, for he is dead.' She will mourn for me and weep and bid her
new treasuress give thee a hundred dinars and a piece of silk and will say to
thee, 'Go, lay him out and carry him forth.' So do thou take of her the hundred
dinars and the piece of silk and come back, and when thou returnest to me, I
will rise up and thou shalt lie down in my place, and I will go to the Caliph
and say to him, 'May thy head outlive Nuzhat al-Fuad,' and rend my raiment and
pluck out my beard. He will mourn for thee and say to his treasurer, 'Give Abu
al-Hasan a hundred dinars and a piece of silk.' Then he will say to me, 'Go,
lay her out and carry her forth,' and I will come back to thee."
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