What Lord Emsworth remembered was this: Late in the previous autumn the next
estate to Blandings had been rented by an American, a Mr. Peters--a man with
many millions, chronic dyspepsia, and one fair daughter--Aline. The two
families had met. Freddie and Aline had been thrown together; and, only a few
days before, the engagement had been announced. And for Lord Emsworth the only
flaw in this best of all possible worlds had been removed.
Yes, he was glad Freddie was engaged to be married to Aline Peters. He liked
Aline. He liked Mr. Peters. Such was the relief he experienced that he found
himself feeling almost affectionate toward Freddie, who emerged from the
bathroom at this moment, clad in a pink bathrobe, to find the paternal wrath
evaporated, and all, so to speak, right with the world.
Nevertheless, he wasted no time about his dressing. He was always ill at
ease in his father's presence and he wished to be elsewhere with all possible
speed. He sprang into his trousers with such energy that he nearly tripped
himself up. As he disentangled himself he recollected something that had
slipped his memory.
"By the way, gov'nor, I met an old pal of mine last night and asked him
down to Blandings this week. That's all right, isn't it? He's a man named
Emerson, an American. He knows Aline quite well, he says--has known her since
she was a kid."
"I do not remember any friend of yours named Emerson."
"Well, as a matter of fact, I met him last night for the first time.
But it's all right. He's a good chap, don't you know! --and all that sort of
rot."
Lord Emsworth was feeling too benevolent to raise the objections he
certainly would have raised had his mood been less sunny.
"Certainly; let him come if he wishes."
"Thanks, gov'nor."
Freddie completed his toilet.
"Doing anything special this morning, gov'nor? I rather thought of
getting a bit of breakfast and then strolling round a bit. Have you had
breakfast?"
"Two hours ago. I trust that in the course of your strolling you will
find time to call at Mr. Peters' and see Aline. I shall be going there directly
after lunch. Mr. Peters wishes to show me his collection of--I think scarabs
was the word he used."
"Oh, I'll look in all right! Don't you worry! Or if I don't I'll call
the old boy up on the phone and pass the time of day. Well, I rather think I'll
be popping off and getting that bit of breakfast--what?"
Several comments on this speech suggested themselves to Lord Emsworth. In
the first place, he did not approve of Freddie's allusion to one of America's
merchant princes as "the old boy." Second, his son's attitude did not
strike him as the ideal attitude of a young man toward his betrothed. There
seemed to be a lack of warmth. But, he reflected, possibly this was simply
another manifestation of the modern spirit; and in any case it was not worth
bothering about; so he offered no criticism.
Presently, Freddie having given his shoes a flick with a silk handkerchief
and thrust the latter carefully up his sleeve, they passed out and down into
the main lobby of the hotel, where they parted--Freddie to his bit of
breakfast; his father to potter about the streets and kill time until luncheon.
London was always a trial to the Earl of Emsworth. His heart was in the country
and the city held no fascinations for him.
* * *
On one of the floors in one of the buildings in one of the streets that
slope precipitously from the Strand to the Thames Embankment, there is a door
that would be all the better for a lick of paint, which bears what is perhaps
the most modest and unostentatious announcement of its kind in London. The
grimy ground-glass displays the words:
R. JONES
Simply that and nothing more. It is rugged in its simplicity. You wonder, as
you look at it--if you have time to look at and wonder about these things--who
this Jones may be; and what is the business he conducts with such coy
reticence.
As a matter of fact, these speculations had passed through suspicious minds
at Scotland Yard, which had for some time taken not a little interest in R.
Jones. But beyond ascertaining that he bought and sold curios, did a certain
amount of bookmaking during the flat-racing season, and had been known to lend
money, Scotland Yard did not find out much about Mr. Jones and presently
dismissed him from its thoughts.
On the theory, given to the world by William Shakespeare, that it is the
lean and hungry-looking men who are dangerous, and that the "fat,
sleek-headed men, and such as sleep o' nights," are harmless, R. Jones
should have been above suspicion. He was infinitely the fattest man in the
west-central postal district of London. He was a round ball of a man, who
wheezed when he walked upstairs, which was seldom, and shook like jelly if some
tactless friend, wishing to attract his attention, tapped him unexpectedly on
the shoulder. But this occurred still less frequently than his walking
upstairs; for in R. Jones' circle it was recognized that nothing is a greater
breach of etiquette and worse form than to tap people unexpectedly on the shoulder.
That, it was felt, should be left to those who are paid by the government to do
it.
R. Jones was about fifty years old, gray-haired, of a mauve complexion,
jovial among his friends, and perhaps even more jovial with chance
acquaintances. It was estimated by envious intimates that his joviality with
chance acquaintances, specially with young men of the upper classes, with large
purses and small foreheads--was worth hundreds of pounds a year to him. There
was something about his comfortable appearance and his jolly manner that
irresistibly attracted a certain type of young man. It was his good fortune
that this type of young man should be the type financially most worth
attracting.
Freddie Threepwood had fallen under his spell during his short but crowded
life in London. They had met for the first time at the Derby; and ever since
then R. Jones had held in Freddie's estimation that position of guide,
philosopher and friend which he held in the estimation of so many young men of
Freddie's stamp.
That was why, at twelve o'clock punctually on this Spring day, he tapped
with his cane on R. Jones' ground glass, and showed such satisfaction and
relief when the door was opened by the proprietor in person.
"Well, well, well!" said R. Jones rollickingly. "Whom have we
here? The dashing bridegroom-to-be, and no other!"
R. Jones, like Lord Emsworth, was delighted that Freddie was about to marry
a nice girl with plenty of money. The sudden turning off of the tap from which
Freddie's allowance had flowed had hit him hard. He had other sources of
income, of course; but few so easy and unfailing as Freddie had been in the
days of his prosperity.
"The prodigal son, by George! Creeping back into the fold after all
this weary time! It seems years since I saw you, Freddie. The old gov'nor put
his foot down--didn't he?--and stopped the funds. Damned shame! I take it that
things have loosened up a bit since the engagement was announced--eh?"
Freddie sat down and chewed the knob of his cane unhappily.
"Well, as a matter of fact, Dickie, old top," he said, "not
so that you could notice it, don't you know! Things are still pretty much the
same. I managed to get away from Blandings for a night, because the gov'nor had
to come to London; but I've got to go back with him on the three-o'clock train.
And, as for money, I can't get a quid out of him. As a matter of fact, I'm in
the deuce of a hole; and that's why I've come to you."
Even fat, jovial men have their moments of depression. R. Jones' face
clouded, and jerky remarks about hardness of times and losses on the Stock
Exchange began to proceed from him. As Scotland Yard had discovered, he lent
money on occasion; but he did not lend it to youths in Freddie's unfortunate
position.
"Oh, I don't want to make a touch, you know," Freddie hastened to
explain. "It isn't that. As a matter of fact, I managed to raise five
hundred of the best this morning. That ought to be enough."
"Depends on what you want it for," said R. Jones, magically genial
once more.
The thought entered his mind, as it had so often, that the world was full of
easy marks. He wished he could meet the money-lender who had been rash enough
to advance the Honorable Freddie five hundred pounds. Those philanthropists
cross our path too seldom.
Freddie felt in his pocket, produced a cigarette case, and from it extracted
a newspaper clipping.
"Did you read about poor old Percy in the papers? The case, you
know?"
"Percy?"
"Lord Stockheath, you know."
"Oh, the Stockheath breach-of-promise case? I did more than that. I was
in court all three days." R. Jones emitted a cozy chuckle. "Is he a
pal of yours? A cousin, eh? I wish you had seen him in the witness box, with
Jellicoe-Smith cross-examining him! The funniest thing I ever heard! And his
letters to the girl! They read them out in court; and of all--"
"Don't, old man! Dickie, old top--please! I know all about it. I read
the reports. They made poor old Percy look like an absolute ass."
"Well, Nature had done that already; but I'm bound to say they improved
on Nature's work. I should think your Cousin Percy must have felt like a
plucked chicken."
A spasm of pain passed over the Honorable Freddie's vacant face. He wriggled
in his chair.
"Dickie, old man, I wish you wouldn't talk like that. It makes me feel
ill."
"Why, is he such a pal of yours as all that?"
"It's not that. It's--the fact is, Dickie, old top, I'm in exactly the
same bally hole as poor old Percy was, myself!"
"What! You have been sued for breach of promise?"
"Not absolutely that--yet. Look here; I'll tell you the whole thing. Do
you remember a show at the Piccadilly about a year ago called "The Baby
Doll"? There was a girl in the chorus."
"Several--I remember noticing."
"No; I mean one particular girl--a girl called Joan Valentine. The
rotten part is that I never met her."
"Pull yourself together, Freddie. What exactly is the trouble?"
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